Hello , I decided to write a little post to get everything off my mind. It would be great to know others opinions also!
So I know I mentioned in a recent pregnancy update that a few weeks ago my husband and I found out some not so amazing news, He will be deploying close to my due date. *sigh*
Now this news was a complete and total surprise. The last we heard maybe a month before was that his units chance of deploying wasn’t high until sometime around next spring or summer , but suddenly there was a change. Of course , in normal military fashion , we are told around a month and a half / two months before they are set to leave. So we have had no warning and barely any time to prepare for this. When we first found out I thought briefly about heading home , but it was a very brief thought. With a baby coming and no time to really pack up everything and get back to our home state , it’s not something I want to do. So we decided that I would stay put , we had just resigned our lease for our town house anyways. There was no need to put added stress on my self especially since we are getting so close to baby being here. Welll , that kind of changed when we ran into one of my husband’s friends from training. We were getting groceries one night in the middle of the week , which we never do. Right before we headed to check out we ran into his friend and his wife. While we were talking my husband mentioned the deployment and they began talking back and forth about that. His friend mentioned they would take away 80% of BAH while he’s on this deployment. And my heart dropped. My husband looked at me and I knew we had the same thought. We can not afford that cut. So instantly I began thinking there’s no way I can stay now , I will have to go home and force myself to be miserable for several months. They mentioned moving on base also though , so I still had a little hope for that.
Moving back home
So obviously my first option is moving back home. But there is a lot of challenges with that. The first one is it will have to happen before the end of August but can’t happen any sooner than that. I am due August 13th , so I could have little man anywhere from July 28th (which is 37 weeks) to August 13th or sometime during 41 weeks. I have talked about asking my doctor at my next appointment about getting induced but that also plays into that. So I could be having a baby at any point towards the end of July , which I will have to recover from. Have to pack also and cancel our cable , get the lights and water out of our name , and wait until baby’s birth certificate and social security card come in so I can make sure he’s entered into tricare (our insurance). And my husband will be leaving anywhere from the beginning of august to a couple days after my due date , of course there’s not a for sure date. Just a window of time. Great right? So besides everything with packing up and having a baby , We also have to make sure to fix a couple things in our apartment like getting our carpet cleaned and fixing a hole our dog chewed into the wall. All would have to be done before we were able to move out or we would be charged. It’s a lot and I know I’m not explaining well , but my mind is all over the place because of all the stress I’m under. I will go over the pros and cons of moving home though.
- Being around family – I would get to be around family for a long time , they would get to see the new addition, they could help me out if I needed it
- Less bills – we would only have to pay for our car payments , gas , a vet bill for our dog that we have , and like netflix (plus baby things and whatever my husband needs while he’s gone)
- Save money- so going along with less bills , we would be able to save a good chunk of money while my husband is gone (if his check doesnt change and such)
- friends – all of my friends are back home, I haven’t been able to make any friends here yet which is okay with me but it does get lonely
- familiar area– obviously being home would be more familiar and comforting
- wouldn’t have to drive to visit – moving would cut out the 9 hour drive home for holidays or even just to visit
- not our own house – every time we have visited home since moving away , after about a day or two I just get so uncomfortable no matter if we’re at my parents house or his. There is just something about not being in a house that is completely yours and I am not going to let my self be miserable for as long as my husband will be gone.
- not my own space with a baby – So going along with that , I wouldn’t have my own space for myself , our dog , and our baby . we would be in one room more than likely and my parents don’t let pets in the house in the first place.
- worrying constantly about our dog – so like I said my parents or well my mom doesn’t like pets in the house. Of course a couple of days visit is usually fine. Though even just a couple days is nerve racking for me. I am constantly worried that he will eat something or make a mess and I feel like he can’t go anywhere in the house. So dealing with that stress for multiple months plus a new baby , not the best
- health care- I am still figuring tricare out, but I do know you need referrals to go anywhere that doesn’t take tricare. Where we’re from isn’t really close to a base either , and newborns have a lot of appointments to go to. So that would be a big obstacle for us.
- constantly around people- so along with not having my own space , I would constantly be around people and not be able to get away when I’m feeling over whelmed. I need time to be by self . It makes me feel uncomfortable to not get that break
- moving twice- I would have to pack up everything and move it back home , then be there for several months and have to pack up yet again and get back before my husband to get a house ,and unpack again to settle everything so he doesn’t come back to no house or to a house that’s a mess
- recovering – at the beginning of moving I would be recovering from birth and that takes several weeks and i do not feel like i would be very comfortable trying to recover on top of moving and being somewhere that isn’t completely my own
Staying / Moving on base
- our own house- It would be completely and totally our house. I wouldn’t be uncomfortable for months and months
- don’t have to worry about our dog- I wouldn’t have to stress over if our dog makes a mess or eats anything he isn’t supposed to . We would have rules in place and he would have his own space with a fenced in back yard so he could play outside and I wouldn’t have to worry about him
- baby will have his own room- we will have a nursery set up and be able to transition little man to his crib whenever I feel comfortable and all of his things would have a place unlike if I went home
- living alone- I would get to continue to live on my own like I’m used to and that is how I am most comfortable
- don’t have to move twice- I wouldn’t have to live out of boxes for several months with a baby and we wouldn’t have to pack up and unpack several times
- not constantly around people- I could go visit and go home on my own time and not have to be around people constantly
- health care on base- I know how our insurance works on base and we would be 5 minutes away from his and my doctors
- safe on base- it would be safer for me to be on base (this is a pro from moving out of our townhouse off base)
- won’t have to pick who to stay with – I hate upsetting people , and I would feel like I would be upsetting my in laws if I stayed with my parents or upsetting my parents if i didn’t stay with them , even if I didn’t I would still feel that way
- cant save money – wouldn’t be able to put back that extra money we would have from not having bills
- have to drive to visit – I would have to drive 9 hours with a dog and baby
- no help if I need it – I wouldn’t have help if I got sick or anything
- could make our budget tight – it could make our budget tighter but it would depend on how his check looks obviously
So that is my list of pros and cons , there are a lot of other things that are causing me stress as well. The first one being we are SO close to meeting little man , which is exciting but also so scary and stressful at the same time. We have to fix our apartment to move , we have to buy some gear for my husband before he leaves , we could have to buy his plane ticket to leave , packing up and moving on base if we do , my husband leaving after we just had our first child. A lot of it is to do with money and we are just not made out of money. So if anyone has made it this far and has any advice or suggestions feel free to let me know , anything is appreciated! That is all I have for now though.
Thank you so much for reading!